Starting the New Year to Make the Most Of It
January 12th, 2026 by admin
I have observed as a lawyer that some recurring legal disputes among citizens are rooted in two well-known personality traits: the inability to forgive others, and the troublesome habit of letting pride or a burst of anger get in our way. As we head into a new year with plans to make a better year, here are some concrete suggestions which will help the new year to be a better one.
We all would save ourselves a lot of angst in life, and many times a lot of money on lawyers, if we learn to forgive more people for more purely relationship differences, we choose the easier and better path of humility instead of pride, and we avoid that pesky spike in temper. Life generally may have enough “real” substantive legal issues to do us.
Some of us struggle with the importance of finding a path to resolution in many disputes. Many of these disputes have no clear legal wrong. The disputes are not grounded in the law and so there have no solution in the law.
CARRYING A GRUDGE. When parents have both passed away as we get older and an estate is being administered, an old hurt among siblings can get in the way. Sometimes one sibling or another is perceived as a favored child. But if you really want to honor the life of a parent, do your best to put it behind you. I cannot tell you the number of families I have seen personally let an old childhood hurt damage one’s otherwise content life. And find the memory of a beloved parent is now tarnished at the end of a good life.
DISPUTES WITH NEIGHBORS. Do your best to bring an issue to the attention of your neighbor without anger or accusation. Give your neighbor your natural inclination to resolve many issues as quickly as you can and a chance to carry the day.
DISPUTES WITH YOUR SPOUSE OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. There are very few times when people live together that there is not some fault, real or imagined, on one side or the other of an issue. In most circumstances, try to be the first one to apologize, or at least agree there is blame on both sides. A disturbing fact is that over one out of two marriages end in divorce. This statistic suggests strongly that the strength to say you are sorry or to apologize first are vastly underrated. Or, otherwise to make a genuine attempt to get beyond many disputes.
MEDIATION. Some years ago, I was privileged to be selected by the North Carolina Bar Association to serve on a statewide commission to study the value of the mediation of civil lawsuits. Its members were experienced lawyers headed by our state’s Supreme Court Chief Justice, Jim Exum. We traveled all over the country to study the laws in several states. Our recommended framework for mandatory mediations was passed by the Legislature, with a requirement that all mediators be certified with necessary experience.
The program has been an overwhelming success. 80-85% of all civil cases are settled, saving clients millions of dollars in lawyer fees and untold uncertainty and angst.
This is what a trained and experienced mediator can do when citizens have significant substantive issues. And many parties take part in such a program even if litigation has not been filed.
If you have a relatively modest dispute which may not justify retaining a lawyer, consider contacting the Better Business Bureau in our area and take advantage of their excellent mediation program. (336) 852.4040. It is not mandatory, but it is a helpful alternative to ongoing anger and frustration.
R. Michael Wells
Remember: An informed choice is a smart choice. Mike Wells is a partner with Wells Law, PLLC in Winston-Salem. His email address is mike@wellslaw.us and his telephone number is 336.283.8700.
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